脑残律师录

美国法界工作者，Charles M. Sevilla， 出了一本书， 叫 Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History. ( 中文翻译为《美国法庭怪谈》)

如果你看过的话， 就会怀疑马来西亚反贪污局的那个辩护律师， 是不是用所有的时间去学?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
律师：医生，你在死人身上验尸多少次了？
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
证人：都是死的。活的我还得费功夫干掉

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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
律师：那么医生，是不是当一个人在睡梦中死去，他直到第二天早上都不知道这件事？
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
证人：你真的有通过司法考试？
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
律师：那个小儿子，二十岁那个，他多大年纪了？
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
证人：他二十了，跟你智商一样。。
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
律师：你拍照那会儿你有在么？
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
证人：你耍我？（你放什么屁？）
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
律师：她有三个孩子，没错吧？
WITNESS: Yes.
证人：对。
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
律师：有几个男的？
WITNESS: None.
证人：没有。
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
律师：那女的呢？
WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
证人：法官，我想我得换个律师。我能要个新律师么？
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
律师：你记得验尸的时间么？
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
证人：尸检开始于晚上八点半。
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
律师：那么那时候Denton先生已经死了吧？
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
证人：要是没死，我解剖完毕他也该死了。
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
律师：你是否有资格提供一份尿样？
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
证人：你是否有资格问这个问题？

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
律师：医生，你解剖尸体之前，有测过脉搏没有？
WITNESS: No.
证人：没有。
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
律师：量过血压没有？
WITNESS: No.
证人：没有。
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
律师：检查过呼吸没有？
WITNESS: No.
证人：没有。
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible th at the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
律师：那么，是否有可能，在你解剖尸体的时候，病人还活着？
WITNESS: No.
证人：没有。
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
律师：你咋就这么肯定呢，医生？
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
证人：因为那会儿他脑袋在我桌子上的瓶子里。
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
律师：我知道，但是，虽然如此，那病人是否有可能还活着？
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
证人：有。有可能他还活着，并且在吃法律饭当律师。

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马来西亚变伪科学大国